My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
