I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
So here I am, sexting at work.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize