when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
