look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
