I cockslap morals
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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