dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
