Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
As shirtless as possible
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
you made out with another girl for some wings
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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