She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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