Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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