you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I need water and some morals
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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