The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
