we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
