dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
