So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize