how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
