you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
