I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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