Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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