she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
