I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
