Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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