sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
