the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
