you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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