making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
