New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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