If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
