You can't special order awesome
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Can I color on your dick again?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
