So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
