Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
