Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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