Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
