sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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