Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
