You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My liver just broke up with me...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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