No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
