So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
