all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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