why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
