This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
this beer tastes like vomit already
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
