You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
