i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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