I wish my penis had an off switch
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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