Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
