Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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