she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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