after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
