And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
