Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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