I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
