she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
