Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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