We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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