and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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