Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
