I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
