The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
