I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
