I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
