hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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