bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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