Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
We smell like vodka and hangover
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