My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
