I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
