come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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