I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
