I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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