I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize