saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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