I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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