I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
