Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
